Must Be Working For The Wynn Trade

Well today was my first casino group interview for a position at the Wynn. Group interview, yeah.. I know, right? I got there early as usual but was locked out and waited for someone else to show. Little by little the Vegas girls lined up, dressed in their best slutty club wear. I did not know that "business attire" meant wear that cute little number I bought on sale at Bebe last month. Oh and my 7 inch heels just incase they think that I'm NOT ready to party. I really don't know if this is what they are looking for here in Vegas, hopefully they take my fine slacks into account.

Well, I was awkwardly first. I had to stand in front of the interviewers with my back to everyone in the room stating why, in my own words, I think I am unique. What in Neil Diamond's name is that question all about anyways. Am I supposed to do a back bend and tell them that most people don't have metal legs?!

Anyway, hopefully they will overlook these:

And choose me instead! I mean, who wouldn't hire THIS face????

And even if I don't get the coveted position at the Wynn, I always have my plan B to fall back on. Right before my interview, as I was killing time in the casino, I discovered that you can make approximately 9 cents an hour roaming the aisles of slot machines and pressing the "cash out" button on machines that people have neglected their petty change. This may only work at the posh places, where people wouldn't even let 9 cents whisper in their ears. Unfortunately, I ended up sacrificing 5 of my free 9 cents to another Monkees slot machine that I was again SURE would pay out. Goddamn you Michael Nesmith. This is all your fault!!!!!

When all was said and done at the Wynn, I decided to make my way West, or whatever, to the Fashion Show Mall to treat myself to something delicious. Red Velvet Cafe is full of delicious yummeries for vegans like myself. My biggest worry was choosing from the tiramisu, blueberry coconut cream cake, and the peanut butter and jelly tart. Woe is me. Actually woe really was me, because I hate making decisions like that, how can I leave behind one yummy for another??? If my stomach capacity would allow it I would have gotten all three! I opted instead for their vegan buffalo ranch chicken wrap, and a rhubarb soda, followed by a lovely tiramisu which I brought home to indulge in without wearing any pants.

Well that was my day today. I am now sitting on my couch with two cats, no pants, and the mind to devour all the cake within reach.

Another Day, Another 3 Dollars

I woke up today with no intention of leaving my apartment, but something lead me outside...This something, a bird feeder, caused me to walk 30 minutes to the nearest CVS all the way down the strip. It was one of those moments that I really thought I needed a bird feeder so my cats could watch hummingbirds feed from the pleasure of their own balcony, and instead of walking away with my intended product, I end up with a pack of starbucks VIA ready brew coffee and BQ Corn nuts. BQ!!!

While browsing the aisles of CVS I thought about how triumphant it would be to buy a 6 pack of beer and hand it out to the many "Not Gonna Lie I Need A Beer" guys on the bridge walkways, I even went to look at prices. I then realised that it was like, 9 dollars to purchase any 6 pack of any kind of beer, and I quickly gave up on that idea. Besides, I don't even drink, I should like...throw a Bible at them, or...Whatever.

After purchasing my corn nuts I decided that today would be the day I would win big money on the slot machines so I got cash back in the grand total of 3 dollars. I walked to NY,NY...

Played "Theme From New York, New York" on my ipod and searched for the best looking slot I could find. I found my first slot, Buffalo Spirit. Now I KNEW my ancestors would help me out on this one.. I put in my dollar, played 20 lines, 1 credit per line, and *ding ding ding ding ding* I lost. Damn you ancient ones! I thought you had my back!! 

Since my people don't seem to care if I end up penniless, I decided to put my next dollar into China Moon. There was a very handsome Chinese computer graphic man I was SURE was flirting with me, so I gave him my dollar and away we went! He ended up forking over $1.57 knowing this was as far as he wanted to go, I cashed out. WOO HOO! I'm in the money!!! 

I was going to walk away happy when I spotted it.... Sitting all alone, amongst Old Money and Wolf Moon. The Monkees. They have their very own slot. Now I knew about this already, as my best friend had previously won on said slot. I knew, I just KNEW The Monkees wouldn't let me down. I put in my dollar and let fate grab the reigns. What's this? Daydream Believer plays every time the slot spins? This is too good to be true! What's that? Nothing won? Nothing at all?! I went through an entire dollar and NOTHING happened?! Don't they know the countless number of hours I have spent singing their songs, watching their television programming, and dressing like a 1960s boy?!??! Alright guys, this was just a fluke.. 2 more dollars would do the trick! *cheer up sleepy jeeeeeeeeeeean* CRAP!!!! I HATE YOU MONKEES!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU AND YOUR SHINEY HAIR AND YOUR BOYISH GOOD LOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, in the end New York, New York took me for a ride, I walked away $3 poorer, but with the knowledge that just because you love a band and you happen to stumble upon ONE slot in an entire casino with them as the main theme, doesn't mean magic music fairy gods will come down and grant you winnings on it. Or... maybe it's just Peter Tork's fault? YEAH! That's it!!

                                                            (don't look at me like that...)

On another note... I decided I want THIS to be my new job:

Despite my Veganism, if I had the chance to feed these cats ponies, I would. So, that's it for now.. Another day in lovely Las Vegas has been spent. And another Elvis has been encountered. 

Ahh, the good life.