Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Must Be Working For The Wynn Trade

Well today was my first casino group interview for a position at the Wynn. Group interview, yeah.. I know, right? I got there early as usual but was locked out and waited for someone else to show. Little by little the Vegas girls lined up, dressed in their best slutty club wear. I did not know that "business attire" meant wear that cute little number I bought on sale at Bebe last month. Oh and my 7 inch heels just incase they think that I'm NOT ready to party. I really don't know if this is what they are looking for here in Vegas, hopefully they take my fine slacks into account.

Well, I was awkwardly first. I had to stand in front of the interviewers with my back to everyone in the room stating why, in my own words, I think I am unique. What in Neil Diamond's name is that question all about anyways. Am I supposed to do a back bend and tell them that most people don't have metal legs?!

Anyway, hopefully they will overlook these:

And choose me instead! I mean, who wouldn't hire THIS face????

And even if I don't get the coveted position at the Wynn, I always have my plan B to fall back on. Right before my interview, as I was killing time in the casino, I discovered that you can make approximately 9 cents an hour roaming the aisles of slot machines and pressing the "cash out" button on machines that people have neglected their petty change. This may only work at the posh places, where people wouldn't even let 9 cents whisper in their ears. Unfortunately, I ended up sacrificing 5 of my free 9 cents to another Monkees slot machine that I was again SURE would pay out. Goddamn you Michael Nesmith. This is all your fault!!!!!

When all was said and done at the Wynn, I decided to make my way West, or whatever, to the Fashion Show Mall to treat myself to something delicious. Red Velvet Cafe is full of delicious yummeries for vegans like myself. My biggest worry was choosing from the tiramisu, blueberry coconut cream cake, and the peanut butter and jelly tart. Woe is me. Actually woe really was me, because I hate making decisions like that, how can I leave behind one yummy for another??? If my stomach capacity would allow it I would have gotten all three! I opted instead for their vegan buffalo ranch chicken wrap, and a rhubarb soda, followed by a lovely tiramisu which I brought home to indulge in without wearing any pants.

Well that was my day today. I am now sitting on my couch with two cats, no pants, and the mind to devour all the cake within reach.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Not So Very

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I guess I've been busy not updating.

I've had some good days, mostly spending time with my honey, going to our favourite thrift stores and a party at the Caesar's Palace.

That's my honey in a dance battle, and that's me cheering him on... A typical Saturday night.

In the time I've spent not updating I've watched the entire series of RuPaul's Drag Race. I've never wanted to birth a drag queen more in my life! I'm hoping that if I birth, kid will come flying out in pearls and feathers lip-syncing for his LIFE. And I can't decide if I should dress kid in girl's clothes to train him for the life style... either I will produce something FABULOUS or homicidal. It's a risk I am willing to take.

This has only little to do with living in Las Vegas, even though it may be the drag capital of the world. I am waiting for adventures to kick in. Soon I will fly to LA and bring some people back with me and we will adventure to the fullest. I have lots of visitors in the works and my largest goal is to unpack and buy sheets... I know, I'll stop, the excitement must be killing you!!

Farewell for now!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Horrifying House Guest...

The last few days have been dark and dirty. I was enjoying my time, reveling in the good news of the hair show when all of a sudden this god awful visitor comes knocking at my door. I curiously peak out the window to see who it was when she barges in and announces she will be staying for 5 to 7 days. She's a real pain in the gut, let me tell you... I have to clean up after all her messes, she tags along to all my important business meetings and threatens to make my life more difficult for wearing light coloured slacks or shorts!

Well anyway, on a better note, despite my unruly tag-along... I had a great second day at the hair show! Goldwell is one of those fancy shmancy hair colour companies that I could never afford if I wasn't getting paid for it.

The show was short but sweet, and I managed to stay alive and look fabulous!

Us COOL heads are on our way to success!

I must now tend to my guest, the only thing she's good for is supplying me with chocolate cake. It's the least she can do!


Thursday, July 28, 2011

My HAIRitage

Thanks Nichole for that title.

Today was my first hair show day, a day of preparation. It was a long day, a bit tedious, a bit cold, and I was a bit hungry. What the heck am I complaining about tho?! I got paid $200 bucks to sit around and get my hair did! My day started with an overpriced coffee from the Aria coffee roast. If I wasn't so addicted to caffeine I would have let it go, especially since the woman in front of me spent $25.27 on a tiny bowl of leaves. After that tragedy I walked up to the convention center and saw a giant poster of the hair colour they had selected for me...

COOL, I thought...

My fabulous hair guru,  John C. Simpson , worked his magic on me... Fabulously!

I went from a TLC wannabe...

To a Mongolian warrior...

To a shining Korean pop star... all within the course of 6 or so hours!!

I just looooooooove the way hair looks and feels when professionally maintained. But I just  haaaaaaaaaate the fact that you have to go home, mess it all up, and then are expected to make it just as pretty the next day. Also, I'm not allowed to wash it until Sunday. So come Sunday, I may smell a bit.. But I'll still have a heart of gold!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Everyday I'm HAIRstlin'

Well I sure did have a productive day!

I woke up promptly at 8am, made myself pretty, had my cereal (cuz you know I gotta have it), and went to two hair model casting calls! The first was at The Wynn, and it seemed like a real WYNN... (sorry)... And then I went to the second casting.

BUT, not until I spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly about the strip, killing time in Starbucks, dancing to kpop, and almost falling asleep in the conference room hallway at the Aria having been the first to arrive at the second casting. Unfortunately, I looked like this...

But alls well that ends well, turns out they liked me and booked me for three days! That's $600 smackaroos!! All for enhancing my beauty! God Bless America.

Stay tuned for this seasons makeover special!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Another Day, Another 3 Dollars

I woke up today with no intention of leaving my apartment, but something lead me outside...This something, a bird feeder, caused me to walk 30 minutes to the nearest CVS all the way down the strip. It was one of those moments that I really thought I needed a bird feeder so my cats could watch hummingbirds feed from the pleasure of their own balcony, and instead of walking away with my intended product, I end up with a pack of starbucks VIA ready brew coffee and BQ Corn nuts. BQ!!!

While browsing the aisles of CVS I thought about how triumphant it would be to buy a 6 pack of beer and hand it out to the many "Not Gonna Lie I Need A Beer" guys on the bridge walkways, I even went to look at prices. I then realised that it was like, 9 dollars to purchase any 6 pack of any kind of beer, and I quickly gave up on that idea. Besides, I don't even drink, I should like...throw a Bible at them, or...Whatever.

After purchasing my corn nuts I decided that today would be the day I would win big money on the slot machines so I got cash back in the grand total of 3 dollars. I walked to NY,NY...

Played "Theme From New York, New York" on my ipod and searched for the best looking slot I could find. I found my first slot, Buffalo Spirit. Now I KNEW my ancestors would help me out on this one.. I put in my dollar, played 20 lines, 1 credit per line, and *ding ding ding ding ding* I lost. Damn you ancient ones! I thought you had my back!! 

Since my people don't seem to care if I end up penniless, I decided to put my next dollar into China Moon. There was a very handsome Chinese computer graphic man I was SURE was flirting with me, so I gave him my dollar and away we went! He ended up forking over $1.57 knowing this was as far as he wanted to go, I cashed out. WOO HOO! I'm in the money!!! 

I was going to walk away happy when I spotted it.... Sitting all alone, amongst Old Money and Wolf Moon. The Monkees. They have their very own slot. Now I knew about this already, as my best friend had previously won on said slot. I knew, I just KNEW The Monkees wouldn't let me down. I put in my dollar and let fate grab the reigns. What's this? Daydream Believer plays every time the slot spins? This is too good to be true! What's that? Nothing won? Nothing at all?! I went through an entire dollar and NOTHING happened?! Don't they know the countless number of hours I have spent singing their songs, watching their television programming, and dressing like a 1960s boy?!??! Alright guys, this was just a fluke.. 2 more dollars would do the trick! *cheer up sleepy jeeeeeeeeeeean* CRAP!!!! I HATE YOU MONKEES!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU AND YOUR SHINEY HAIR AND YOUR BOYISH GOOD LOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, in the end New York, New York took me for a ride, I walked away $3 poorer, but with the knowledge that just because you love a band and you happen to stumble upon ONE slot in an entire casino with them as the main theme, doesn't mean magic music fairy gods will come down and grant you winnings on it. Or... maybe it's just Peter Tork's fault? YEAH! That's it!!

                                                            (don't look at me like that...)

On another note... I decided I want THIS to be my new job:

Despite my Veganism, if I had the chance to feed these cats ponies, I would. So, that's it for now.. Another day in lovely Las Vegas has been spent. And another Elvis has been encountered. 

Ahh, the good life. 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Speaking Of Dead Grandmothers...

So I was on my way to the strip...

Down, somewhat lonely, desolation row...

When suddenly, a wild Grandma appears! (no photo, as it would be rude to photograph a wild grandma. they are known to bite). Actually I was on LV blvd after stopping by to see an old friend...

(^this one) Just past an Elvi,

Lie a sickened grandmother and two helpless Granddaughters. Obviously heat stroke had set in, and the helpless girls lie and watch helplessly. Being the stand up citizen I am I immediately located a "WATR WON DOH'LR" vender, and purchase WON WATR for WON DOH'LR. I run back to Grans and offer her the WATR free of charge, in hopes she will live to see another day. Granddaughter (one had vanished) thanked me kindly yet confusedly. And I walked away like this:

Knowing I had done the right thing.

On another note... (Not quite as heroic) I did have the privilege of spotting some typical Las Vegas Wildlife.

Exhibit A) Wild Parrot on Wild Pirate, stunk of rum, yet reeked of self satisfaction. (also, had some poopies on his shoulder)

Exhibit B) Wild Homeless Man, known to be honest, and thirsty.

Exhibit C) Wild Fountain Jumpers, like to maintain a nice cool, most likely stealing your wish.

Shortly after exploring I discovered that most of my skin had turned to strange liquid, with a high content  of sodium chloride. In other words, I was sweating my taco-loving butt off. So I raced home to be cooled off by luxury.